I Want a Divorce!

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Marriage is no joke. It requires patience and perseverance.

I’ve sat with many couples to advise them before they took that long walk down the aisle. I do not say this with joy, but I have denied more couples from marriage than I’ve approved. This means I refused to marry them because they were unfit—according to the standards of the Word of God—to be married. Some were unequally yoked; others simply refused to change. Ultimately, I could not support their union. Most of them decided to get married anyway. Despite my initial opposition, I only desire for them to prosper and have longevity. Their marriage needs all the encouragement it can get, as does every marriage.

Personally, I have seen just how hard marriage can be. It is difficult because it requires work. It requires change, and that is not always easy. It requires compromise, selflessness, and every fruit of the Spirit (see Galatians 5:22-23). It requires effective communication, constant forgivingness, and mutual respect. These are not easy to give. Our world is lawless and full of rebellion; therefore, it is important to remain in prayer and continue studying the Word of God.

I have read many books about marriage. My wife and I also wrote one, which is entitled FIGHTING TOGETHER. Ultimately, I have concluded that no marriage is safe from the attacks of the wicked one. He desires to ruin your marriage before it gets started. I do not care who you are, how much money you have, how wise you are, who you know, or where you live because he is coming after you and your legacy. Samson was a physically strong man. In fact, he was stronger than everyone, but he was not strong enough to deny the temptation to lay his head in the lap of Delilah. David was referred to as a man after God’s own heart. He was a warrior, a fighter, a champion, and a king, but he was not strong enough to fight the temptation to have sex with another man’s wife—Bathsheba. Solomon, David’s son, was wiser than anyone, but he was not wise enough to avoid the 700 wives and 300 concubines. They were strong and wise men who were too weak to avoid temptation! And the day will come when temptation will hit your house, if it has not already.

Understand that every marriage struggles. There’s not a perfect marriage. There’s no such thing! There’s only two willing people who refuse to give up on their covenant. They simply will not allow their covenant to go down without a fight! Are you willing to fight for your marriage? Are you willing to give it your all? I’m not referring to how you feel when everything is going right. I’m talking about when everything is falling apart! Are you still willing to fight when you don’t like your spouse; when you feel as if you married the wrong person; when you feel like your spouse hasn’t been there for you; when finances are tight; when emotions are high? Are you willing to fight when you find out that your spouse has a secret pornography addiction? How about when you find out that your spouse cheated on you? Are you still willing to fight in sickness and in health; in richer or for poorer; til death do you both part? Those questions must to be answered! They must be answered, and only you can answer them!

Sadly, my wife and I have seen many of the couples we’ve started with end in divorce. I’ve sat in front of too many couples who’ve spoken these words, “I want a divorce!” We looked up to their marriage and sought to emulate their good works. The couples provided us strength and hope. We listened to their counsel, took them out for dinner so we could sow into them, and adored their love for one another. Unfortunately, as it is in every marriage, the enemy was at work behind the scene. He was planting seeds of doubt, lust, and discontentment that would one day mature into divorce. My heart breaks for them and their family. It breaks for their children and generations thereafter.

Ultimately, no marriage is safe, NOT ONE! I do not care about the person’s influence or affluence. I have witnessed the most profound people who were able to be successful in everything else fail in their marriage. Please understand that I do not seek to condemn them for their divorce. My desire is to encourage those who are getting married to understand the covenant they are entering and challenge those who are married to fight together. Remove divorce as an option! My encouragement to you is simple; don’t quit on your spouse. Just keep fighting! Please keep fighting together, not one another. Settle petty arguments immediately. Find a local church home and serve together. It does not have to be the same ministry (it’s preferred), just make sure you two are serving together. Communicate regularly. Take time out for each other. Get around other married couples who love each other and are serious about their walk with God. Grow with them. Build community with them! They will be there to help you through your toughest times. Have sex regularly so you do not give the enemy an open door. Submit to one another. Have fun; laugh. Remember the fun days you had together before all the stresses of life. Simplify your life. This means instead of being upset with each other because of finances, lower your expenses and get on a budget. Find a marriage retreat and attend at least one a year. Invest in your marriage! Do whatever you have to do. Just fight together.

My wife and I are praying for you, as I hope you are praying for us. We need strong marriages in our society today. This is because strong and godly people build strong marriages, strong marriages build strong families, strong families build strong communities, and strong communities build strong nations.

 

God bless!

What's More Important?

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My son, which is my 3-year-old mini-me, has been a gift and joy to me since he was born. He’s adventurous, witty, daring, and wants to wrestle multiple times a day. What strikes me is how similar we are in so many ways. He is my twin with the only difference being that he’s more outgoing then I was as a child. I attribute it to him being more active than I and having more of my support as his father, which was not something I had at his age. Nonetheless, he teaches me something new daily. He helps me to see things about myself that I’ve never thought of or things I never realized. On this particular day he taught me something that I will carry for the rest of my life.

I work from home. It has its highs and lows, but the highs definitely outweigh the lows. One of the greatest highs is the opportunity to be present in my home. I see my children daily, and we can spend the day together. We’re homeschooling our children, so we will get a lot of time together. And that’s a good thing. One of the many disadvantages about working from home is being able to be disturbed easily. My office is on the same level of the house as my children’s playroom. This means I am interrupted a lot. There’s nothing like being on an important conference call and your son bursts in the room to announce that he has pooped and needs someone to wipe his butt. Those moments are both embarrassing and priceless.

This particular day changed how I saw things in my relationship with him. While working in my office my son burst through the door like he always does. And I don’t want you to think my office is off limits to my children. They have access to me at all times no matter what I am doing or whom I am with. They take full advantage of it. On the day in question my son bursts in my office and lets me know that he wants me to play with him. Unfortunately I had deadlines to meet. It was important that I finished the project by 6pm that afternoon. It was 4pm when he burst in my office. I felt the pressure of what would happen if I did not finish. Having my son stare me down did not help the anxiety. I sat behind my desk fully focused on what I was doing. I looked over to see my 3-year-old son standing in front of me with his head down. He had his little lip stuck out. He was pouting. He continued to ask me over and over to play with him. I was fully focused on my work though. I told him I needed to finish my project. He turned away from me and proceeded to walk out the door. It was not five minutes after he left that I was convicted. The question I had to ask myself was, “What’s more important?” It was in that moment that I chose my work over my child. I put my assignment over him. That is never how I want my child, or family for that matter, to feel. I don’t want them to think they come behind anything. I quickly put my computer to the side, got up, and proceeded to go play with my son. I had to realize that I remembered those moments when I desperately desired for my dad to play with me as a child. I couldn't dare put my son through that same feeling.

My challenge for you is be present in every moment of your life. Take a day to ask yourself what’s more important. Consider all of your activities. Ask yourself what are you giving more value to. What are you choosing over your family? What’s more important? I know what it is like to feel like you’re not valuable because it seemed like your father chose something or someone else over you. That is not a good feeling at all. I believe many of my insecurities are a result of it. You may have a similar story. Please don’t allow the cycle to continue. Ask yourself what and who is more important in your life. Value them. Love on them. Give to them. Be present with them. Be active with them. As for me, I had to get up from my desk and wrestle with my son. After I allowed him to beat me a few times I took time to affirm him. I needed him to know that my work—no matter what it is—will never be more important than he. That goes for my wife and daughter as well. So, what or who is more important to you?